My brain started shifting in and out of this constant fight-or-flight mode. I was working nonstop, barely sleeping, maybe a couple hours a night. I had about two hundred thousand dollars on credit cards, was completely stressed out, and everything just came crashing down. My central nervous system basically shut down.

I went on vacation with my family to Maui, and that’s where I met my wife. That changed the course of everything. We got married at Trunk Bay on St. John, and shortly after, she had a job opportunity opening a new Ritz-Carlton in Hawaii. She’s a general manager for the Ritz-Carlton, so we moved to Oahu. After about a year and a half, our son was born. We had no help there, no grandparents, no family, and everything was extremely expensive. I decided to quit my job and raise my son.

That was hard for me. Taking a backseat to my wife and not being the person I thought I needed to be really messed with me. When my wife took a job in St. Thomas, I knew I couldn’t just sit at home doing nothing all day, especially with a baby. I put my energy into starting my own travel club. We started having some success, but as greed would have it, we wanted more. As fast as money was coming in, it was going right back out. I was doing everything, paperwork, contracts, filings, barely sleeping. The stress kept building.

One of my business partners, who was also a mentor, passed away from a heart attack. Between the debt, the pressure, and the grief, it was exhausting. Everything collapsed again, and my nervous system shut down. The pain was excruciating. It got so bad I couldn’t walk. My muscles were twitching uncontrollably, like a bag of worms under my skin. I couldn’t even sit in a doctor’s waiting room. They didn’t know what was wrong and started throwing around diagnoses like MS and ALS. When doctors say those things, panic only increases.

They sent me for MRIs of my brain and entire spine. One of the biggest reliefs of my life was being told it wasn’t MS and it wasn’t ALS. But even that relief didn’t fix anything. I was still broken, depressed, crying all day. I felt like I was no good to my son, and I didn’t want him to see me like that. I went back to California and stayed at my parents’ place, sleeping on the floor for months. When I returned home, nothing had improved.

I reached a point where I didn’t want to live anymore. I was deeply suicidal, logically convincing myself that if I was stuck like this, what was the point? I couldn’t take my son to school. I couldn’t play catch with him. I felt worthless. I honestly believed my family would be better off without me. It’s an awful place to be mentally.

When you reach that point, the last thing you have left is prayer. One Saturday morning, after being up all night again, I felt like I had to go outside. I was shaking, weak, but I started walking downhill toward Vesip Beach. I didn’t know how I’d make it back up. When I got there, they were doing baptisms, and I had never been baptized.

Even though it was hard to be in public, I instantly knew why I was there. The bishop came over, talked with me, and after hearing my story said, “I think you’re here for a reason.” I had always believed in Christ, but I had never fully committed or let go. That day, I did. I went into the water and got baptized, and I felt a tremendous relief. It wasn’t that everything was instantly fixed, but it gave me the strength to keep going.

Today, I still deal with some minor muscle issues, but nothing like before. I can work out. I live a normal life. I dedicate far more time to my family. My perspective has completely changed. I focus on what matters and give the rest to God. I make my son breakfast every morning, pancakes, French toast. It’s not something I have to do, it’s something I get to do.

If I could speak to anyone going through what I went through, I would say nothing is worth taking your life over. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself that you miss the moments that matter. Life is short. Lean on the people around you. Use every resource you have. And give it to God. God can heal anything and change everything. Perspective is everything. As bad as the experience was, I’m grateful for it.